Yesterday night brought me contentment and the hazy sky before my eyes was finally clear after spending days in state of turmoil,
I have realised that the happiness I tried to give you is causing eternal pain to my soul.
This sadness, gloomy shades of depression is rotting me inside,
All this time when I was trying to fill you with my energies, you were still empty.
You have various pores in the parcel of life which will never let my energies settle in you.
It is an end for us since I can't fill your emptiness .
The void that you are, it's extremely powerful, engulfing everything .. Emitting nothing , retaining nothing.
I have realised I will become empty, will turn into numb void like you , My soul will rot away, leaving me infected with your disease.
I have decided to cut you off ,tear you apart from myself.
You don't belong to me, healing you is not in my control anymore.
I can live without you but I cannot live with the suffering self with you.
With this, let's just wrap the show.
It all began with a note,
Slipping through the desks, passing hands with a message, "You are pretty,I think I love you."
Took me minutes to register, what does pretty has to do with love ?
Fitzgerald once said,“I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”
How do you respond to a confession?
Teach me how you tell someone you think you love them but not to that extent to sacrifice your reputation!
But if you can't sacrifice how does it justify that it's love?
Well what kind of love can anyone justify!
And there it goes,
The loop keeps on widening.
Circle within a Circle within a mind of its own.
It all began with the thought!
Well, Does it mean you find me pretty that's why love me or You love me that's why I am pretty?
A day later , I heard her talking ,
They call you pretty, they love you more.
With this the loop widens and my question lingers on.
And I wonder what people do when they want to leave? Do they come to you and beg you to release them from the bond of morality which has compelled them to stay with you or do they just leave with no explanation? Do they ever beg , to just let go of? Why do you think they add, “I hope you live a happy life?”, Well yes, I will since you are now out. Now I am left to myself determining how to start everything over again. Oh, Yes! It’s incredible to start again. Picking pieces of self, segregating them , finalising whether they deserve to be brought back or should be discarded. Would take a few more sessions with my therapist but I will figure out . It’s incredible for you to wish me live and find love and move on with somone else , because why not? I deserve to be happier. How unfortunate it is, no? Not for me but for you to realise that we have no future together. I am still wondering about the “forever” we sworn by? What should I do with the promises and the New allegations you added in order to just compel me to let you go ? Tell me love, Since when have you stooped to this level of hell? Was it before you met me or after you left me? Doesn’t matter, I should get back collecting pieces of my life. Afterall , your 33 allegations screams loudly how eager you are to see me “Happy”. Best Wishes to those who ends their note with , “May you find someone who is more loyal and confident than I was”. I rest my rant here.
Even after trying for ten years ,
Giving your heart, sweat and commitment
Sometimes it's just not meant to happen...
So, what to do next?
Weep and lament over the lost love which you never received?
All you can do is to just let it go...
I understand ot looks difficult and you are afraid whether you are truly capable enough to do it!
Doubt sure is welcomed.
But believe me, then one day , it all comes to you.
The courage to let go of everything that you had buried in your heart- wrapped feelings, discouraged ethics, uncertain signs and the soil you wanted to mix with theirs.
Above all you dig the courage of deleting 90747 messages of last one year which you read all those nights when the day was damp with the unwanted rain and night was dark with unwelcomed clouds.
The courage of deleting the number which was once your ocean and wiping the media and unstarring the messages on your whatsapp chat..
You know, it just happens.
It just happens like it just happened, a matter of second...
No questions asked, no queries put forth.
You give away the part,
Afterall what would you do with a tree which is neither blooming nor withering ?
You do nothing with such tree.
you just let uourself know that it's okay for it to be as it is..
You simply walk away because there is nothing you can do about it...
Now,I want to embrace you really tight this time,
To cheer you up and to tell you that it's fine to feel light , it's okay to breathe light.
It's okay to not to be okay for sometime ..
It's okay to recenter the location of your heart towards your new aspirations and begin again.
So, love ..try again, love again. okay ?