Spiral

It seems to me that a sickness has gripped me. I have become part of a spiral where thoughts come and then bead by bead the spiral keeps on increasing , layer by layer to a point from where I fail to find the beginning. 

My brain has stopped taking this, the pressure, the pain, the suffering I go through in each moment when I should be resting and I have become reckless with my memories.

Memories of yesterday,today and coming tomorrow . Why?
You ask me why?

Because it's unbearable to be in the limelight and pretend to be alright. Not being able to scream out, show your joy, sorrow, anger,hurt and pain.

Fear grips the heart yet the smile doesn't flicker.
Do you know how that happen?

Practice . Practice. Practice.

But it's enough. I am exhausted and I sincerely hope for the earth to stop moving and my ethics to stop talking .

Letter

45 days back I wrote a letter to you,
In which I had mentioned, “I don’t want to be your subordinate.”
A few words out of the mighty sea of English language which I chose to shut down myself that day.

I sent you that on WhatsApp
Didn’t mail, don’t know why,
Being audacious to mention how I am tired of your patience, your unconditional support, your way of keeping the channel of communication open for me when I refuse to deliver a word.
I had to save my false esteem!

It didn’t get deliver,
No double ticks, no read recipient.
I wanted to see those marks on my screen
telling me there is no going back.

I waited for 5 minutes and 15 seconds
Nothing happened
My fingers trembled and I found ” delete for everyone”.
To tell you the truth,
I was scared and had gasped in those 5 minutes and 15 seconds

Then I looked for a quote on Pinterest
Sent you the saying or long narration, I don’t remember what,
But It got delivered within seconds,
Instantly You replied, “it was inspiring.”

I think of the day today,
What should I have written if the letter was delivered and you have paid heed to my request?
Well the mystery lingers..

Soon, I tell myself.

Tangled

Image credit – Pinterest

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.”
William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Years back when I had first read Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare I didn’t know I would ever reflect back on his words. Centuries back it had given words to our mortality. A scene where Cassius was convincing Brutus about how fate isn’t something that drives our actions but instead it is the human condition responsible for everything has left an anomalous impact on me. Nothing of the play remained with me except for this one particular scene and dialogue . Why? I honestly don’t know.

As I tread back on my memory lane I think we have all walked on egg shells for few people who didn’t deserve that. And because we became accustomed to their presence so, we kept walking on further. Irrationally thinking that it was our destiny. Going to the extent of thinking that it was the fault of the stars that we met them. I second that because I did same. But was it truly worthy? After months of distancing my self from myself, I realised it wasn’t. I realised how for a bit of mortal love, we close our eyes easily. The signs are every where yet we choose to ignore them willingly.

Ignorance is bliss” as it is said, negligence isn’t.I feel today that the later part was forgotten to be added by whoever first quoted the former part. So, my dear reader, now look, think and decide how many dead plants are you watering in your garden today? How many soul less bodies have you been feeding? How many disruptive minds have you been trying to align with?

And when you get the answer, take the roots of those dead plants and the soul less bodies and leave them in open space but away from yourself. Open your eyes and instead of aligning with the constant distractions, let your energy flow and let the universe find your right mould. No more walking on egg shells for anyone.