It a began with my counsellor's words echoing in my ears, LET IT GO, LET IT GO!
I took a rollercoaster ride in past, And Learnt that choosing myself over this relationship isn't being self centred ,
It doesn't mean I wasn't in love , didn't trust or wasn't happy for the time being. It just mean that I am a human being, who can't hold onto past memories anymore, can't let them deepen my wound every day with the hope it will soon be okay! I know it won't.
I am a mere human being who has decided to let you go, Because We aren't meant to be... And the thought was killing my conscience, my inner self to this extent that I wanted freedom from myself.
So, By choosing to protect me, I am choosing to let everything go that belongs to you. I am putting an end to this emotional abuse and suffering.
I am ending it with my words. I AM LETTING YOU GO.
It seems to me that a sickness has gripped me. I have become part of a spiral where thoughts come and then bead by bead the spiral keeps on increasing , layer by layer to a point from where I fail to find the beginning.
My brain has stopped taking this, the pressure, the pain, the suffering I go through in each moment when I should be resting and I have become reckless with my memories.
Memories of yesterday,today and coming tomorrow . Why? You ask me why?
Because it's unbearable to be in the limelight and pretend to be alright. Not being able to scream out, show your joy, sorrow, anger,hurt and pain.
Fear grips the heart yet the smile doesn't flicker. Do you know how that happen?
Practice . Practice. Practice.
But it's enough. I am exhausted and I sincerely hope for the earth to stop moving and my ethics to stop talking .
This question has haunted me for years now. what is love ? Everyone tells us that it is being happy in someone else's happiness, it is accepting someone as they are. Love is imperfect, it's imbecile , It's sane and insane and could be counted on fingers. No, It can't be counted though but it can be measured as in the depth of your heart.
Everyone told me how to find love, With this advice , seek love as it is seeking you. okay ! I agreed and did as adviced, Seems like it is seeking me in some parallel universe.
So I stopped.
But after giving it no serious thought for past few years , Today out of a halo I learnt what love is.
Love is breath. Before you assume what's new in my argument ! Let me tell you this theory I came up today at 4.30pm.
Love means the air in your lungs which can't be expelled. It doesn't matter if you do/don't pay attention to it. It will remain there.
Few years back In biology class I learnt about the residual air that remains in the lungs and that's what I say is love. That air is present even though you slowly inhale or quickly exhale. The momentum of your breathing has no impact on it. There is no if or but about its existence . It remains unchanged irrespective of the lungs volume . It just is. Until one day you realise that it is at the verge of leaving your organs. That day is the day when you truly understand that with it gone, you will stop existing.