Ponder what?

And I wonder what people do when they want to leave? Do they come to you and beg you to release them from the bond of morality which has compelled them to stay with you or do they just leave with no explanation? Do they ever beg , to just let go of? Why do you think they add, “I hope you live a happy life?”, Well yes, I will since you are now out. Now I am left to myself determining how to start everything over again. Oh, Yes! It’s incredible to start again. Picking pieces of self, segregating them , finalising whether they deserve to be brought back or should be discarded. Would take a few more sessions with my therapist but I will figure out . It’s incredible for you to wish me live and find love and move on with somone else , because why not? I deserve to be happier. How unfortunate it is, no? Not for me but for you to realise that we have no future together. I am still wondering about the “forever” we sworn by? What should I do with the promises and the New allegations you added in order to just compel me to let you go ? Tell me love, Since when have you stooped to this level of hell? Was it before you met me or after you left me? Doesn’t matter, I should get back collecting pieces of my life. Afterall , your 33 allegations screams loudly how eager you are to see me “Happy”. Best Wishes to those who ends their note with , “May you find someone who is more loyal and confident than I was”. I rest my rant here.

Choosing to be me

It a began with my counsellor's 
words echoing in my ears,
LET IT GO, LET IT GO!

I took a rollercoaster ride in past,
And Learnt that choosing myself over this relationship isn't being self centred ,

It doesn't mean I wasn't in love ,
didn't trust or wasn't happy for the time being.
It just mean that I am a human being, who can't hold onto past memories anymore, can't let them deepen my wound every day with the hope it will soon be okay!
I know it won't.

I am a mere human being who has decided to let you go,
Because
We aren't meant to be...
And the thought was killing my conscience, my inner self to this extent that I wanted freedom from myself.

So,
By choosing to protect me, I am choosing to let everything go that belongs to you.
I am putting an end to this emotional abuse and suffering.

I am ending it with my words.
I AM LETTING YOU GO.

Remember me

When I am gone and You wonder what to do next,
Don't fight yourself and listen to me,

Initially it would be strange to sleep alone
And you might be scared at night,
Worrying if I turned into a ghost,
Which I assure you, I won't .

But there would be those nights with troubled sleep,
And the memories of happy times will haunt your heart,
In those critical time, I want you to remember
I am looking at you from heaven,
Maybe from hell as well !
But I am looking at you, that will matter.

So, here is the guide to remember me curated for you especially,
Remember me as you remember the aftertaste of sweet lassi you drank at your grandmother's place in summer break,
Just like the melody of your favourite song you hum without realising that you are humming,
Just like the book, you pick as a comfort read and the place you drive to when you are upset.

Some days when you will miss me the most,
Buy a truffle cake and leave it on my grave.
I won't be able to eat but the sight is enough for me to cheer up.
Since you know what to do when I am gone
I hope you keep your words and smile more.

Spiral

It seems to me that a sickness has gripped me. I have become part of a spiral where thoughts come and then bead by bead the spiral keeps on increasing , layer by layer to a point from where I fail to find the beginning. 

My brain has stopped taking this, the pressure, the pain, the suffering I go through in each moment when I should be resting and I have become reckless with my memories.

Memories of yesterday,today and coming tomorrow . Why?
You ask me why?

Because it's unbearable to be in the limelight and pretend to be alright. Not being able to scream out, show your joy, sorrow, anger,hurt and pain.

Fear grips the heart yet the smile doesn't flicker.
Do you know how that happen?

Practice . Practice. Practice.

But it's enough. I am exhausted and I sincerely hope for the earth to stop moving and my ethics to stop talking .

Tangled

Image credit – Pinterest

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.”
William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Years back when I had first read Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare I didn’t know I would ever reflect back on his words. Centuries back it had given words to our mortality. A scene where Cassius was convincing Brutus about how fate isn’t something that drives our actions but instead it is the human condition responsible for everything has left an anomalous impact on me. Nothing of the play remained with me except for this one particular scene and dialogue . Why? I honestly don’t know.

As I tread back on my memory lane I think we have all walked on egg shells for few people who didn’t deserve that. And because we became accustomed to their presence so, we kept walking on further. Irrationally thinking that it was our destiny. Going to the extent of thinking that it was the fault of the stars that we met them. I second that because I did same. But was it truly worthy? After months of distancing my self from myself, I realised it wasn’t. I realised how for a bit of mortal love, we close our eyes easily. The signs are every where yet we choose to ignore them willingly.

Ignorance is bliss” as it is said, negligence isn’t.I feel today that the later part was forgotten to be added by whoever first quoted the former part. So, my dear reader, now look, think and decide how many dead plants are you watering in your garden today? How many soul less bodies have you been feeding? How many disruptive minds have you been trying to align with?

And when you get the answer, take the roots of those dead plants and the soul less bodies and leave them in open space but away from yourself. Open your eyes and instead of aligning with the constant distractions, let your energy flow and let the universe find your right mould. No more walking on egg shells for anyone.