As I venture on my new journey to talk about existence, I want you to think of Godot. Some of you might have waited for him in their college classroom where a teacher and Beckett told us to know that “nothing had changed, nothing would change” except for our wait for Godot.
I remember when I first held the “book” in my hands, Waiting for the text to get over and understand the mystery of who Godot was? When would he come? Why were we even waiting for him? Was he God?
I got no answers except for the last one. Bless! Beckett for that, he himself cleared the air by stating that if he wanted his readers to think of Godot as “God” then he would have mentioned God not Godot. So, it was clear that Beckett wanted us to wait for Godot. The purpose of the text was to wait for Godot, who never turns up physically. His presence could be felt yet not seen just like the wait we keep on patiently doing , without even knowing if the person we are waiting for will ever turn up or not!
Unaware of its depth I thought the text doesn’t made sense. Ironically today, “Godot” is symbol of “purpose” for me. Beckett knew that even waiting needs a purpose. Whether someone comes or not doesn’t matter, The purpose of waiting is known in the heart of the person who performs the act. The Purpose being an energy acting as reinforcement for us to keep doing something again and again and again until we just either gets it or lose the hope of getting it.
So, dear readers , if you are waiting for someone and others keep on telling you that it’s of no use, remember that the purpose of that “waiting” is only known to you .. no one will get it except you. And in your heart you will always find the right way to pursue what you truly wish for.
It a began with my counsellor's words echoing in my ears, LET IT GO, LET IT GO!
I took a rollercoaster ride in past, And Learnt that choosing myself over this relationship isn't being self centred ,
It doesn't mean I wasn't in love , didn't trust or wasn't happy for the time being. It just mean that I am a human being, who can't hold onto past memories anymore, can't let them deepen my wound every day with the hope it will soon be okay! I know it won't.
I am a mere human being who has decided to let you go, Because We aren't meant to be... And the thought was killing my conscience, my inner self to this extent that I wanted freedom from myself.
So, By choosing to protect me, I am choosing to let everything go that belongs to you. I am putting an end to this emotional abuse and suffering.
I am ending it with my words. I AM LETTING YOU GO.
When I am gone and You wonder what to do next, Don't fight yourself and listen to me,
Initially it would be strange to sleep alone And you might be scared at night, Worrying if I turned into a ghost, Which I assure you, I won't .
But there would be those nights with troubled sleep, And the memories of happy times will haunt your heart, In those critical time, I want you to remember I am looking at you from heaven, Maybe from hell as well ! But I am looking at you, that will matter.
So, here is the guide to remember me curated for you especially, Remember me as you remember the aftertaste of sweet lassi you drank at your grandmother's place in summer break, Just like the melody of your favourite song you hum without realising that you are humming, Just like the book, you pick as a comfort read and the place you drive to when you are upset.
Some days when you will miss me the most, Buy a truffle cake and leave it on my grave. I won't be able to eat but the sight is enough for me to cheer up. Since you know what to do when I am gone I hope you keep your words and smile more.
It seems to me that a sickness has gripped me. I have become part of a spiral where thoughts come and then bead by bead the spiral keeps on increasing , layer by layer to a point from where I fail to find the beginning.
My brain has stopped taking this, the pressure, the pain, the suffering I go through in each moment when I should be resting and I have become reckless with my memories.
Memories of yesterday,today and coming tomorrow . Why? You ask me why?
Because it's unbearable to be in the limelight and pretend to be alright. Not being able to scream out, show your joy, sorrow, anger,hurt and pain.
Fear grips the heart yet the smile doesn't flicker. Do you know how that happen?
Practice . Practice. Practice.
But it's enough. I am exhausted and I sincerely hope for the earth to stop moving and my ethics to stop talking .
Overwhelming is all I can describe the book to be. I finished reading the book few minutes back and I am full of those extremely delicate nuances which not just touched my heart but made my soul sour high. If you haven’t read it yet, you should try savouring this piece of writing with all your might.
Virginia Woolf once said, to keep the flow of words one should indulge in reading . Ironically somehow I have lost words to describe how do I feel.
Have you read something similar to this book? If yes , please do suggest!