Fiction

You would be that lady in Old Victorian gown who lives in an abandoned mansion situated in countryside with some 20-30 cats , who keeps herself warm by sitting near to her fireplace while her man sits opposite to her in an armchair reading her a chapter from the copy of Harry Potter. In between, he winks at her whenever the book mentions Hermione , and she winks back because she understands.

When the first snow falls she stands near to her window admiring what nature has to offer and her man looks at her , admiring her for that nature has offered him in the guise of a mortal , the most beautiful creature in the whole world .

You and me

And as each minute passes, I am more certain of the fact that I am born for you . . to be with you.

Existing to complete your equation of life, fate and death. You paint my soul in all the colours of rainbow, holding me steady just like a tree is held by its roots . Strong and Still.

I wonder, do you even know how your mouth uttering my name coats my ribs ? bringing warmth to my soul ? The heart is engulfed in that warmth and I can survive my hot and cold night alike.

To know that I am meant for you is the greatest joy , you have given to me apart from the joys that you have been bringing each day, every hour , every minute with each breath of yours mingling with mine.

Love, You are the definition of love for me. From beginning to end, the part of same cosmos yet which keeps on existing in different dimensions .

Choosing to be me

It a began with my counsellor's 
words echoing in my ears,
LET IT GO, LET IT GO!

I took a rollercoaster ride in past,
And Learnt that choosing myself over this relationship isn't being self centred ,

It doesn't mean I wasn't in love ,
didn't trust or wasn't happy for the time being.
It just mean that I am a human being, who can't hold onto past memories anymore, can't let them deepen my wound every day with the hope it will soon be okay!
I know it won't.

I am a mere human being who has decided to let you go,
Because
We aren't meant to be...
And the thought was killing my conscience, my inner self to this extent that I wanted freedom from myself.

So,
By choosing to protect me, I am choosing to let everything go that belongs to you.
I am putting an end to this emotional abuse and suffering.

I am ending it with my words.
I AM LETTING YOU GO.

Remember me

When I am gone and You wonder what to do next,
Don't fight yourself and listen to me,

Initially it would be strange to sleep alone
And you might be scared at night,
Worrying if I turned into a ghost,
Which I assure you, I won't .

But there would be those nights with troubled sleep,
And the memories of happy times will haunt your heart,
In those critical time, I want you to remember
I am looking at you from heaven,
Maybe from hell as well !
But I am looking at you, that will matter.

So, here is the guide to remember me curated for you especially,
Remember me as you remember the aftertaste of sweet lassi you drank at your grandmother's place in summer break,
Just like the melody of your favourite song you hum without realising that you are humming,
Just like the book, you pick as a comfort read and the place you drive to when you are upset.

Some days when you will miss me the most,
Buy a truffle cake and leave it on my grave.
I won't be able to eat but the sight is enough for me to cheer up.
Since you know what to do when I am gone
I hope you keep your words and smile more.

Spiral

It seems to me that a sickness has gripped me. I have become part of a spiral where thoughts come and then bead by bead the spiral keeps on increasing , layer by layer to a point from where I fail to find the beginning. 

My brain has stopped taking this, the pressure, the pain, the suffering I go through in each moment when I should be resting and I have become reckless with my memories.

Memories of yesterday,today and coming tomorrow . Why?
You ask me why?

Because it's unbearable to be in the limelight and pretend to be alright. Not being able to scream out, show your joy, sorrow, anger,hurt and pain.

Fear grips the heart yet the smile doesn't flicker.
Do you know how that happen?

Practice . Practice. Practice.

But it's enough. I am exhausted and I sincerely hope for the earth to stop moving and my ethics to stop talking .

Stay

I want to copy the lines of the pinterest poet here, 
As he is the one who romanticized the world for me,
For he told me it's good to be awake late nights,
To write my thoughts, inappropriate yet thoughts here.

What he forgot to tell me that romance is nature ,
A movement of early 19th century curated by poets like PB Shelly, John Keats and ofcourse Lord Tennyson .
My trembling fingers touched the 'Ode to the west wind','Ode to the Autumn'.
Oh! How could I forget Porphyria's lover.


Words should flow as Woolf has said,
Yet Mine are reluctant to come out .
Is it that difficult to utter the word,'Stay' , at 4.30am ?




3 AM

Image courtesy- Pinterest – cityyart7

Love,
It’s 3 am, you are asleep but I can’t close my eyes.
Woken up for a long time, what should I do?
I thought for a while and then a thought sprouted and
I imagine you talking to me,
Talking?
How many days has it been since we last talked? Had a conversation?
Well, we have been avoiding “The Conversation” since 2019.
Yet you are peacefully asleep in other Country, other state, other city and
I am wondering when the sun rays will strike the window panes and I won’t regret that all the metaphors, similes,Ā  and imageries elude me at this time of night when I hold my pen to write to you of my loneliness, sorrow I feel each day spiralling round and round engulfing my heart and soul in its loop deep.

Before I am stuck in the loop, I got up and drenched my hair in cold water, searched about the hair care remedy, read poems and yet it’s just 3.20 am.

Overthinking? No! No! No!
I have learnt a trick of wearing the elastic band on my wrist,
Already pulled it twice.
Ah! It’s going to be a long and tiring night.