A Simple word with a lifetime of meaning in it.. I found it for the second time today.
you ask me where?
I found it in Kashmir , in the horse named Badal.
Don't think I have gone insane ,
that might be true though, don't want to engage in any argument over that.
But the love he has expressed towards a human taught me that love is limitless, it's endless and everyone is capable of giving it , in their own manner.
In my case it was the way my lovely horse Protected me through the rough terrains, taking me to a beautiful valley with snow covered mountains. Ensuring to not to let anyone else win against me (it was like his personal agenda to ensure I remain the first person to see the beauty this heartwarming place has to offer)
Badal taught me it's okay for me to love,
Just love and become one with love.
Just how he has become one with the valley of Kashmir.
With each step I found an edge of my character shedding itself, with each step I felt letting go of an unknown burden.
Apart from the enchanting scenery the place has to offer, I am going to keep Badal in my memory. For angels do come in disguise!
When you live in past, you die thousand deaths,
When you live in future, you are prone to anxiety attacks,
Living in present looks unrealistic
But when you observe with keen eye
What else do we have except for this moment?
What else can we do except for breathing ,loving , living , embracing nothing but this very moment!
The plans that we made, some worked some didn’t
The plans we are making , some will float,others might sink.
We are in a queue and the path is predetermined, nothing can be done with the pavement..
So, Why worry when you are alive at this moment?
If you wish to see a miracle
Stand before the mirror and look at yourself..
You are what Presents are made up of.
Without you there is no past, No future and certainly no Present.
You would be that lady in Old Victorian gown who lives in an abandoned mansion situated in countryside with some 20-30 cats , who keeps herself warm by sitting near to her fireplace while her man sits opposite to her in an armchair reading her a chapter from the copy of Harry Potter. In between, he winks at her whenever the book mentions Hermione , and she winks back because she understands.
When the first snow falls she stands near to her window admiring what nature has to offer and her man looks at her , admiring her for that nature has offered him in the guise of a mortal , the most beautiful creature in the whole world .
And as each minute passes, I am more certain of the fact that I am born for you . . to be with you.
Existing to complete your equation of life, fate and death. You paint my soul in all the colours of rainbow, holding me steady just like a tree is held by its roots . Strong and Still.
I wonder, do you even know how your mouth uttering my name coats my ribs ? bringing warmth to my soul ? The heart is engulfed in that warmth and I can survive my hot and cold night alike.
To know that I am meant for you is the greatest joy , you have given to me apart from the joys that you have been bringing each day, every hour , every minute with each breath of yours mingling with mine.
Love, You are the definition of love for me. From beginning to end, the part of same cosmos yet which keeps on existing in different dimensions .
Do you know how it feels to be at the doorstep of the house?
Do you know how difficult it is to see the man whom you handover your heart,life and soul standing on the other side of the door, oblivion of your presence ?
Do you know how it feel, to feel unwanted soo early ?
Maybe 9 months were enough for us.
To realise, we don’t belong to each other.
The sacred thread around my neck couldn’t tie us to each other …
Symbol of your mastery over me had started strangling me
You wouldn’t feel it ..
How could you ?
You were oblivion to the suffering ,pain ,sadness and loneliness, I went through this year …
You won’t ever know how your lies shot me thousand times !
And when I bled, you said it’s because I told you to do so..
I compelled your own self to take a dig on my soul..
This relation of ours is bleeding …
It’s badly injured,
Just like an accident victim, it is lying at the corner of the street.
No one to tend to its wounds..
No one to touch it either..
I know you are afraid as much as I am,
But the soul is dead this time.
What would you do to a lifeless body ?
Would you leave it being oblivion as always ?
Ours is arrange marriage
It was arrange adding to love marriage.
I met her at her house
She looked beautiful,
She called herself "rebellious soul, never confined , never to be trapped"
I loved her instantly for the second time , My first wife was also a rebellious one so she left me early.
I told her I never give up and someday will confine her with a slight grin.
We met every week,
She turned me down when I gave her bouquets, chocolates but was delighted to my gentleman efforts,
That's all I wanted...
She could never get slightest idea about our future that I had planned with her,
Everyday When I looked at her
"Rebellious soul never to be confined" echoed in my ear,
It is our wedding day,
She became mine.
Waiting for me in the beautiful bridal attire
That's my wife , right ?
I told myself the rebellious soul is being chased by me
It's time to confine her.
That night she slept peacefully
Never to awake again.
While she slept I choked her breath with her dupatta ; the love she bore for me now transformed into fear,
Rebellious soul , so she fought
But couldn't win because I am her husband right?
She was maintaining eye contact all the time and I thought how much I love her more ,
My first dead wife closed her eyes when I did this to her, pity isn't it?
But she looked right through my eyes, making me hold her dupatta more tightly around her snow white throat.
And then she peacefully slept.
I never give up I said with another grin while closing the door of my Giant Refrigerator , confining her with in.
It's a temporary post!
That's how it all began
From Icarus to Apollo to Achilles and his insane lovers
They called them temporary post, after all no hero is happy.
“Wait for me here”. – Godot,1949
As I venture on my new journey to talk about existence, I want you to think of Godot. Some of you might have waited for him in their college classroom where a teacher and an old man named “Beckett” told us to know that “nothing had changed, nothing could change” except for our wait for Godot.
I remember when I first held the “book” in my hands, Waiting for the text to get over and understand the mystery of who Godot was? When would he come? Why were we even waiting for him? Was he God?
I got no answers except for the last one. Bless! Beckett for that, he himself cleared the air by stating that if he wanted his readers to think of Godot as “God” then he would have mentioned God not Godot. So, it was clear that Beckett wanted us to wait for Godot. The purpose of the text was to wait for Godot, who never turns up physically. His presence could be felt yet not seen just like the wait we keep on patiently doing , without even knowing if the person we are waiting for will ever turn up or not!
Unaware of its depth I thought the text doesn’t made sense. Ironically today, “Godot” is symbol of “purpose” for me. Beckett knew that even waiting needs a purpose. Whether someone comes or not doesn’t matter, The purpose of waiting is known in the heart of the person who performs the act. The Purpose being an energy acting as reinforcement for us to keep doing something again and again and again until we just either gets it or lose the hope of getting it.
So, dear readers , if you are waiting for someone and others keep on telling you that it’s of no use, remember that the purpose of that “waiting” is only known to you .. no one will get it except you. And in your heart you will always find the right way to pursue what you truly wish for.
It’s been ages in my head since I last made an entry in my blog. As I sipped my lukewarm milk tea (an evening ritual) , I started to think about how human beings changes with time. I remember five years back , I practically begged god to let me find some another job, not that I didn’t try but I just kept on failing one year after another than another. Ironically that one job I thought I won’t survive for one month is the one sticking with me for last five years , well I have started with my 6th year.
Today, I am just somehow grateful for the work I do. I might sound irrational here but it is definitely one of the best things that has happened to me.. The challenges I face everyday is something reminds me that I am capable of handling anything that comes in my way. I am less afraid and more courageous. All these years while I failed or succeeded , I remember sharing both with my friends.
Few years back, I thought friends are just mates with whom you share few things. But with growing (apparently when life kicks and slaps you and you look for someone to console you) you realize that you do need them. To celebrate success to vent out anger to tell them how you messed up in your job or marriage or anything. You just need someone to tell to that “it’s okay” or “Work hard, you got to pass this time” . They are the one who just stand by you. I wouldn’t be wrong If I say , I found myself a cheerleader in these years.
Though everyone would agree that adulting is definitely not a bed of roses but when you see your friends celebrating your existence even when you are physically away from them , you realize that it’s not even bad. The joy I feel because of them is something that makes me grateful every single day. They bring me close to what I truly am and I think knowing yourself is not less than any achievement. After all a good friend is definitely someone who introduces you to you.